Doesn't it HURT???

Want to talk about pain? Talk to Mrs. Nufer of the 1500s.  She lived in Switzerland, and in her day, C-sections were only done to save the baby after the mother had died.  But not so for Mrs. Nufer.  After things started going bad during delivery, the midwife and doctor decided to save the baby.  Her hubby Jacob objected.  The others bailed, and he had to jump in.  Using his knowledge of animal anatomy (he was a butcher) he safely delivered his baby AND saved the life of his wife, who went on to have more kids and live a long life into her seventies.  No anesthesia. No antibiotics.  There now, doesn't natural childbirth sound great?  (Read more about incredible medieval women in Uppity Women of Medieval Times by Vicki Leon).

 Our culture has does an awesome job of ingraining in women an absolute fear of childbirth.  Think of any movie or TV show where a woman is giving birth. An absolutely screaming, freaking-out-in-pain woman is the typical birthing mother scenario. And just for good measure, she usually curses once or twice at her husband. I've been to two homebirths (that weren't mine) and neither were like that.  I would describe my friends as clearly uncomfortable and yes, hurting- but not in uncontrollable pain.  And there was no husband-cursing, but rather the opposite- they really looked to their husbands as their number one supports.

Pain is a perception, and the perception of pain varies from woman to woman.  My sister was at 9 cm before she went to the hospital to have her first baby- she just wasn't hurting that bad.  With my first, I was asking for the epidural at 4 cm.  We all have different capacities for pain, and we all feel it differently.  My homebirths have both been quick affairs.  I can't honestly say that if I had had 20-hour labors I wouldn't have said, "Take me to the hospital, I'm getting a freakin' epidural". I just might have.  And that would have been okay.  We are all different.  I write this blog based on my experiences, and you have to take what I say with a grain a salt- your body is different and you know best what applies to you and your body.

This said, I also think that, generally, our bodies are capable of a lot more than we think.  

When I was pregnant with my first, I was debating an epidural on the phone with my mom.  She told me I should probably go ahead and plan on it- I was kind of 'wimpy'.  And I knew she was right! I'm a TOTAL wuss. If you had told me then that I would have two (going on three) natural childbirths I would have thought no way am I capable of that.  

In preparing to have my first homebirth (baby 3), pain was big on my mind.  This was something the midwife couldn't help with, and in committing to a homebirth, I was committing to feeling whatever came along with it.  And that scared me.  I had had epidurals with both my first two babies.  And I liked not feeling anything. It was awesome.  But I really felt like the benefits of homebirth were worth it, and I was willing to try to do whatever I could to prepare myself.  

So my hubby and I took a hypnobirthing class.  It was really cool.  They showed videos of women birthing who were totally serene- it was incredible.  (You could probably find some on youtube.) Although I doubted that I could get to the level these women were at, I still felt like the hypnobirthing class was helpful.  It taught me about HOW a baby is born- which is pretty darn incredible, and the stages of labor.  It was really educational, and that knowledge later became power. I realized my body was capable of incredible things, and wussy or not, I could do a lot more than I thought. Talk about woman empowerment!

Here's a great secret of natural birth- there are BREAKS in labor.  You have a surge, or contraction, and then a moment of rest. It's amazing how your body gives that to you- it knows you're working hard and gives you the strength to manage it.  Yeah, childbirth DID hurt- I wasn't one of those super serene hypnobirthing women in the video- but I felt like it was manageable and I was never out of control freaking out about the pain I was in.  And at home, I could get in whatever position I felt I needed to be in to help myself manage the pain.  With both my homebirths, I had back labor- all of it.  Nothing in my abdomen, just pure back labor.  Had I been laying on my back on a hospital bed, I would  have NEEDED an epidural.  But at home, I was able to be on all fours, significantly helping relieve discomfort.

One of the best parts of having a baby naturally is that afterwards you feel pretty darn good. I stood up. I took a shower. I got into my nice clean bed and cuddled my newborn.  After my epidurals in the hospital, my legs were dead noodles for hours, and the coming out of that is not fun.  Not to mention that with my first epidural, my lower back hurt for MONTHS. I didn't have that problem with my second epidural, so I don't know why that was. 

I actually feel like I've gained something from having my babies naturally.  I don't mean to say that women who haven't are missing out. That's not true. The friend who recommended hypnobirthing classes to me has had high risk births and C-sections...but she still felt like hypnobirthing had been really helpful to her.  My first two children's births were incredible- epidurals and all- and I don't feel like I missed out on a thing.  But for me, personally- I'm just talking about me here- I feel like I gained something.  I discarded the notion that I'm a wuss- I'm not.  And that is empowering.  I also feel like this big, scary, mysterious thing- childbirth- isn't big, scary, and mysterious anymore and that's also empowering.  Like therapy, you know? Conquering your fears! I also feel sort of like a kinship with the millions of mothers who birthed this way- there was no other option for them- and I like that. 

From all that I've gained from natural childbirth, I can't help but feel that our culture does a huge disservice to women by telling us that we can't, it's too hard, it's too painful.  Blah. We are strong. We are capable. And I can do anything.  And even if your pregnancies and body don't give you the chance to go natural, you can still know that you are strong- and that's real empowerment.